5 things to start now to encourage and support sleep at any age
Here are 5 things you can do starting tonight to support a better night’s sleep for all your littles.
Make the room pitch-black dark
We sleep better in the dark. Even a sliver of light can disrupt sleep, reinforce an early morning wake and tank a nap. Go into your child’s room as it is set up for a nap. Close the blinds and the door, and let your eyes adjust to the light. If you can see your hand in front of your face, it's too bright. Blacking out the room is a simple thing you can do to improve your little one’s sleep.
Awake times before 6 months, scheduled naps after
If your baby is under 6 months, you will be working on getting them down to sleep regularly throughout the day. Their sleep is not yet developed enough for taking naps at scheduled times, and they aren’t capable of staying awake for long periods of time. Aim to get them down within 45 minutes - 3 hours depending on their age (e.g., 45-90 minutes awake for 0-3 months, 1.5-3 hours awake for 4-6 months). Young babies need regular sleep throughout the day. If they are awake too long you will have a difficult time getting them to sleep as they will be overtired and will fight it.
When your baby reaches 7 months of age, they will be ready to take 2 scheduled naps. You want these naps to be around the same time each day — 9 am and 1 pm work well, with bedtime between 6:30-7 pm.
“A pre-sleep routine is one of the easiest things you can do to encourage better sleep. Nap time and bedtime routines help your little one come to know what to expect. This gives them a bit of control, something that is in short supply for these little humans.”
Consistent routines for bedtime and naptime
I’ve said this many times before and I’ll say it again here: A pre-sleep routine is one of the easiest things you can do to encourage better sleep. When you have a nap routine and bedtime routine, you help your little one come to know what to expect, so they can prepare. This gives them a bit of control, something that is in short supply for these little humans. When you fulfill those expectations night after night, nap after nap by sticking to a consistent series of cues, activities and actions, the result is a happier, more settled child.
If you don’t currently have bedtime and naptime routines in place, it will take a few days for them to know the routine and trust it. But usually within a week, that association will be established.
It should be noted that a pre-sleep routine is not some magic cure for night wakings and short naps. It will, however, make it easier for your little one to fall asleep and stay asleep more consistently.
Down wide awake
Continuing with the discussion on expectations, when you put your baby down awake, they are aware of what’s going on and thus not taken by surprise when they have brief wakes in the night. When you put them down awake, they are part of the process, they can hear you saying “I love you sweetheart” and they can see you leaving the room. That doesn't mean they are going to be thrilled about you leaving, but being alert and aware to what happens when it’s time to sleep means they can settle more confidently and put themselves back to sleep more easily after arousals.
Wide awake is the key. For younger babies around 4-5 months, consider feeding them after they’ve finished their bath and are in their jammies. For babies with strong feed-to-sleep associations, consider feeding them in a different room. For older babies, you might offer their last feed before bath time. What you are doing is avoiding the possibility they will become drowsy or fall asleep before going into the crib. Then you can put them down wide awake, and calmly and confidently leave the room.
Space, trust, curiosity
I encourage giving your little one space when working on sleep. Rushing in at the slightest sound is likely to stimulate your baby and interrupt their sleep further. Pause, wait. Take time to soothe and ground yourself, and enjoy a few cleansing, calming breaths. Then you can respond. And you will be in a better position to do so from an attuned place.
When you give your child space, you are also trusting that they are capable little beings, that they have skills and intelligence, and you don’t have to do everything for them.
So often I talk with families who say things like, “My child has never been a good sleeper” or “My baby is not capable of taking good naps.” “Horrible sleep runs in my family.” I never slept and my child never sleeps.” Then once we get started making changes to routines and responses, parents are surprised, shocked and amazed that their child was capable all along.
Take a look at the thoughts and beliefs you have around sleep and your child. My guess is they are not based on fact, and they are not supporting you in making positive changes. Changing your narratives around sleep will go a long way in improving sleep for your child and your family.
Finally, adopt a curious attitude and mindset. When we panic, we are not attuned. Get curious about what’s going on. Consider what information you have that might help you determine what might be going on and what the best approach is. Instead of thinking or saying, “Everything is falling apart,” consider asking, “Hmm, what might be going on? I wonder why this happened?”
Of course, if you really aren’t sure and you don’t feel you have the answers, that is one way I support families. It can often be easier to work through longer-term challenges when you have a support person who can bring a fresh perspective, answer questions, make suggestions and be there for you along the way.